Kid Quotes

Over the years we have collected funny kid quotes spoken by our very own. Enjoy!

(While being introduced to her new teacher…) “Heeeeey! My last teacher’s first name was “Mrs.” too!”

Teacher. “What’s your dad’s name?” Child, “He doesn’t have a name. I just call him Dad.”

“I don’t play Seahawks, I just watch them on television.”

“Gardner snakes guard houses.”

The child chose the consonant game for her work and said with much confidence, “I’m gonna do the confident game!”

“OK, I need a hammer, a screwdriver, and a time machine.”

“We are moving to Florida and I get to go too!”

“My dad has a birthday too!”

(While doing a practical life work involving hanging up socks on a clothes line,) “Why aren’t these wet?”

“Don’t worry, the sun will shine again next summer.”

Teacher, “How long have you had your ears pierced?” Child, “Um, about 60 years.”

(Child had just started his number roll and was up to the number 35.) “I’m almost to a million!”

(The child was frustrated because he was not able to get his question communicated clearly and therefor the answer was not what he was looking for.) “You’re not talking in the right position!”

(While reviewing a letter sound.) Teacher, “What sound does this make?” Child, “I’m not the teacher!”

(While reading to another child.) “Sorry, that yawn just snuck into my mouth.”

Teacher, “What kind of dog was it?” Child, “Um, you know that kind with two legs in the front and two legs in the back?”

Teacher, “Do you know your address?” Boy, “Um… I don’t wear a dress. I just wear regular clothes.”

“I’m thankful for Santa, elves, reindeer, and Justin Bieber.”

Child 1, “Why do you always sit next to each other?” Child 2, “Because we are the same size.”

“You know what’s weird about Tuesday? It starts with a number.”

Adult (not a teacher…), “Do you drive your mom nuts?” Child, “Um, nuts are for eating and I don’t drive.”

Teacher, “You are quite the weather man!” Child, “I’m not quite a man yet.”

Teacher, “Do you know when your birthday is?” Child, “Yes, it’s when I turn 5.”

“My shoe is stepping on my foot!”

“It was gi-HUGE-ic!”

Teacher, “I missed you last week. Were you sick or did you take a trip?” Child, “Oh! We were tripping the WHOLE week!”

(Child 1 spilled apple juice.) Child 2, “Are you going to put up cones?”

“I think I know why they call it Washington. Because it washes everything away!”

“I stayed up early and I’m still tired.”

Teacher, “Would you like to write a letter to your Grandma?” Child, “Yes! I’ll write her a letter AND a number!”

Child, “I want to be a teacher when I grow up.” Teacher, “Oh? Why?” Child, “Because they don’t have to work. They just tell us what to do!”

“Will you please stop that – you’re bothering my feelings”

Child, “S-i-x spells six! How do you spell seven?” Teacher, “How do YOU think you spell seven?” Child, “The same way you do!”

Child, “I got 2 medals, 1 for memory…” Teacher, “What was the 2nd one for?” Child, “Uh – I forgot.”

The children were looking out the window while it was snowing. One child was singing about the snow and said, “I need a back-up singer!”

While discussing a baby shower, the teacher asks the child if the baby was a boy or a girl. Child responded, “They don’t know yet. They are going to wait until the baby is born and then see how long it’s hair grows.”

Several children were talking about dental crowns when one girl responds, “My crown is at home with my mom!”

“Yesterday I bounced off the walls.”

Student takes a work off the shelf and asks the teacher, “Do I have to pay?” Teacher, “No, you don’t have to pay.” Student, “I’ll pay on the way back.”

“We went to a restaurant and ate hermit crab legs.”

While putting a work away, a child finds a mixed up work on the shelf and says, “These kids!”

“You know what happened one time when I was a teacher? A kid ran over me and I jumped!”

“I need to brush my teeth. That’s what families do.”

“Do you know what hypothesis means? It’s a gas that killed the dinosaurs.”

Little boy talking to two little girls, “Hey ladies!” Little girl, “Don’t call me lady!”

Child, “Toby would really like the way you smell.” Teacher, “Oh really? Who’s Toby?” Child, “My dog.”

“I don’t know how to blow my nose so I just pick it!”

Child, “I know where pencils come from.” Teacher, “Oh really? Where?” Child, “Pennsylvania!”

“When I had ammonia, I mean brokenitis, I had a bad cough.”

“This weekend I went to chop liver… oh, I mean Hood River.”

“I built a shed for my roller coaster because everyone knows you have to have a shed for your roller coaster!”

“I always take a bath on Sunday. That’s why I always smell so good on Monday!”

“We went to the cool stuff museum.”

Substitute Teacher, “Are you a Kindergartner?” Child, “Almost, ’cause I’m reading and I’m task sheeting.”

(Child shows a drawing of a square to the teacher.) Teacher: “Oh, you drew a square.” Child: “What?!” (As if to say, “Really? COOL!”)

“Awww… my tummy’s getting a headache!”

Teacher, “Did you put away your work?” Child, “Um, no… it’s a present for my wife.” (Age 4)

After originally saying that she did not have a show and tell, the child stands up frantically, turns around, shows everyone the label from her pants and says, “Wait! I have a show and tell! I have a paper in the back of my pants!”

Child 1: “We went on a hike and I saw a banana slug.” Child 2: “We went on a hike and I saw a banana slug and an apple slug!” Teacher: “Oh? What’s an apple slug?” Child 2: “It’s red and it eats apples.”

(Children 1 & 2 are talking when child 3 interrupts.) Child 1: “Hey, I’m making friends here!”

(A little boy brought some hand picked flowers for his teacher.) Teacher: “Did you pick these from your garden?” Child: “No, I don’t have a garden… um, I got them from my jungle.”

(While talking about a “sleeping volcano”) “My mom is like a volcano. She sleeps a lot on the couch.”

Teacher: “Where do eggs come from?” Child: “Eggplants.”

(While discussing getting a new family dog,) “My sister wants to get a Fur-wa-wa.”

“I told my feet to calm down but they wouldn’t listen!”

(As a teacher, who shall remain nameless, sat down on the couch with a child,) “Boing! We all go boing when you sit down.”

While the teacher is helping a child give the weather report, she whispers, “Say ‘3 sunnies’ out loud.” Child, “3 sunnies out loud.”

“She’s erupting my work!”

Teacher: “Are you proud of yourself?” Child: “Almost.”

(OK, so teachers say funny things too…) Teacher: “You should raise your hand when you’re interrupting.”

While learning about skeletons, the teacher runs her finger down the child’s vertebra and asks if the child would like to feel her vertebra. Child responds emphatically, “Oh yes! Teachers have backbones!”

Sister, “My cat is small and fluffy…” Brother, “Yeah, and if you shave her she looks like a tiger!”

(While talking with Mrs. McClendon about the baby ‘in her tummy’,) “If you love your baby so much, why did you eat him?”

“Do you know why tickling makes me noisy?  ‘Cause I’m ticklish!!!”

“I don’t have to sing these songs; I’m almost a grownup now!” (Age 4)

“Last night my dad thought he saw a mosquito, but it was a cheetah.”

“Ooh – I’m hiccing up!”

(As a cup of small beads spills all over the floor) “Clean-up on aisle one!”

After reading his first book, “Aren’t you amazed and astonished?”

Teacher: “Does your new baby brother look like you?” Child: “No, he’s really cute!”

Teacher: “What is your father’s name again?” Child: “Dad!” (With a look that said, “What’s wrong with you?”)

Child (while attempting to make a ‘9’): “Oh, I accidentally made a ‘3’.” Teacher: “That’s ok, let’s try…” Child (interrupts with a look of amazement): “I’ve never made a ‘3’ before!!!”

Child: “He’s calling me a baby!” Teacher: “Are you a baby?” Child: “No.” Teacher: “Well, then why don’t you tell him you don’t like it when he calls you that.” Child 2: “What’d she say?” Child: “She said to k’nore you.”

(Completely out of the blue), “Pirates came and stole all of our stuff.”

(As the child is laying down sprawled out on the floor), “I’m doing what my dad does!” *

(The teacher is trying to help a child remember the word “canyon”) Teacher: “Can…” Child: “Canselot”   Teacher: “Canyon”   Child: “Oh, I was really close!”

(Talking about group snack), “We’re gonna have Doop Nat!”

(While pin-punching a turkey), “I’m makin’ holes in this chicken.”

Teacher: “Where did you go skiing?” Child: “At a hotel.”

“The blew wind it down.”

“There were 10 humans at the party and a few kids too.”

Child: “So then Flower called her mom…” Teacher: “Oh, who’s Flower?” Child: “My friend.” Teacher: “Your friend’s name is Flower?” Child: “Oh, wait, no… Rose!”

After looking at the dirty floor having and a discussion about wiping feet, a 4 year old child turned and faced the other children and said, “We should be ashamed of ourselves!”

“We put Santa on top of our tree… not the real one.”

“The richest man in the world has over $1,000!!!”

(As a child is scratching several mosquito bites), Teacher: “You don’t have chicken pox do you?” Child: “No, I have itchy pox.”

Child 1: “My dad was born in Pennsylvania.” Child 2: “Oh, my grandpa was born in Transylvania too!”

“The sun shines on everyone except the burglars.”

(While frantically tapping the teacher), “I have a situation!”

“I have to tell you something… My dad has hair in his armpits. It goes out to here!” (Showing the length of about 5 inches.)*

Teacher: “Now we are going to put an apostrophe here.” Child: “A propostopy?!”

Child: “Did you know what I want to be when I grow up?” Teacher: “What?” Child: “A trash picker-upper!!!”

(While looking at the class caterpillars busily making cocoons), “They’re turning into raccoons!”

Teacher: “What kind of voices do we use during group snack?” Child: “Invoices.”

(After working hard on an outdoor project), “Phew! I think I need to sweat now.”

*We promise not to believe everything that your child says about you as long as you promise not to believe everything he/she says about us!